Explanation for a hangover

Ok, so have you ever went out partying with your friends one night, gallavanting from one ill-themed college bar to the next and drank so much drink you evantually passed out? That both kinda sucks and is pretty awesome at the same time. But have any of you achieved that pinnacle of drink drunk success by waking up sober and becoming drunk again an hour later WITHOUT TAKING ANOTHER DRINK OF ALCOHOL??? That shit is crazy, doo…

The point of asking that question is to bring up a conversation between myself and my friends Gotrik and Tjance. We were discussing how exactly this is biologically possible. Here follows my “elevated” explanation…

“I think what happens when you pass out is similar to when a computer powers down after not being used for awhile. Your body goes in to standby because you as a person have gone into standby.

Imagine if we could give personification to our inner organs like a cartoon. The brain would be this huge space needle type mechanism. Like a Thomas the Toy Trains cartoon but reeeeally high in the air. Now imagine the liver as a sort of bouncer or security guard for this exclusive nightclub in cartoon body world called “Blood”. Red Cells, White Cells and Platelets are like the normal club customers. They all party hard while the club is open (the person is awake), but are not a problem once its last call and closing time is nearing. Then….there’s alcohol. Alcohol is like a mob of Xed out techno ravers that just party so fukkin hard all night for weeks on end. When we in the real world go out and drink alcohol, its just like a bad night at the clubs in Body City.

The liver is responsible for kicking these dumshit raver gooniez out of Club Blood and down to Brown Ave. Now, when a person gets blackout super hangover drunk, the Liver Bouncer has only a certain amount of time to throw out the hard partiers. The Liver, like Joe the Plumber, is simply a workin man and around 3am, he’s off the clock. So when you pass out on a couch/bathroom floor/Prison Toilet, Liver goes home and kisses his gall bladder children goodnight. What happens then is that Club Blood’s doors are locked shut from the outside so any unfortunate law abiding partygoers and all the rowdy alcohol kidz get stuck inside. The brain now gets a rest from dealing with all the alcohol problems and goes into sleep state. The night passes and when you are woken up the next morning at 7am by the owner of the house’s son, you aren’t the only thing rising and shining. All the inner organs like the lungs, kidneys, and pancreas all head out on their morning commute to work. The Liver also heads to Club Blood because he is on the schedule to open up for the day. Why can’t his boss give him a break?

Where was I? Oh yea, so Liver gets to work and he can already here the pounding of Darude or Chemical Brothers, or some other pounding, ear-gouging party music. Now all the while, you are waking up in the real world. Finding your keys and getting to your car, you drive to your apartment and get ready for work in 2 hours. While you are sitting down and drinking a glass of black coffee and eatin some Cinnamon Toast Crunch, your liver starts the tough job of kickin out all the ravers. The streets of Body City are once again all shakey with the crazy get up kids. That’s right about the time you stand up and head out the door to drive to work. Voila, you have graduated from Problem Drinking University. Pat yourself on the back after vomiting in the dirty urinal at work.

And that, my friends, is the best story ever told…”

-Me